Due in 17 Days...Elusive Calm

Yesterday was like living in a pressure cooker.

Aligning priorities and how to make them happen is very difficult to do sometimes, in particular for me it is difficult when I am pregnant and consumed with wanting a safe stable place to live and rest once baby is born.

My husband, who is ever insightful and a big picture thinker wants us to focus on our big life goals and believes that doing so will lead us to finding the ideal stepping stone to that place. Normally I would very much believe in this. Right now though, I am tired. Thinking of packing absolutely exhausts me, I have not moved forward with much organization even. I feel huge, dependent, and so tired, so so tired.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed or if this is just because I am technically ready to give birth any moment.

My thoughts are focused on staying rested, fed, and hydrated because birth could start at any moment. I am very consciously NOT worrying too much about how the next two months will pan out though sometimes, especially late at night, I pretty much am a basket case thinking of how/where/when we will be able to move.

Part of my stress is that my husband, who is wonderful, is taking on so much. Of course this is kind of expected since I'm not able to do as much as I normally would. I wish I had energy to help more. I wish I was more domestically and organizationally inclined. I wish that my body didn't get tired simply standing up doing things like typing this blog post or looking at rental listings online.

Other parts of my stress are all of the "to-do"'s that are piling up it seems each day, for example we need to:

• Find a pediatrician for the girls and new baby
• Find someone to help/do the placenta encapsulation
• Pack
• Gather things to be given to Goodwill
• Photograph and list things to be sold on eBay (ideally before moving so that items are gone and we have some extra money)
• Compiling a list of all our magazines and accounts to be informed of our new address
• Compiling the contact information for the kids at my daughter's school so we can stay in touch
• Writing a letter to my daughters teacher that yes we are moving though do not know if we will or will not stay in the same school district
• Baby announcements? We will be doing these through our SendOutCards account which I'm not allowed to link to here but if you comment with an email I can send you a link if you like. I'm grateful that all relevant addresses are already in there so it will just be uploading a few pix!!
  

Then of course there are the things I want to get done for other reasons, like making money!

• Draft the ebooks I have been meaning to write
• Update my personal site to be more succinct and organized in a way to more consciously attract the kind of clients I am looking for.
• Write up the review I've been asked to write for a salad dressing
• Write up more articles and blog posts relevant to the market I'm focusing on and the ebook content deep dives.

Oh and the whole summer thing...

• Find and pay for a couple weeks of fun summer camps, probably focusing on bugs and swimming for my daughter
• Find sitters/friends/family to help with the kids etc. during the moving and post birth recovery time

So yes, I'm thinking a lot about these things, but after each thought "calm down, it will all work out, just stay calm, it will all work out" I have even taken to saying the serenity prayer at times which is not something I normally do, it is a good message though and I do feel a little bit calmer when I say it aside from the strange memories I have that led to me learning it.

Okay, that was a good dump of what's going on. Today is better than yesterday, I'm more tired, but getting some alone time which is nice. My husband and I haven't argued at all which is also nice. I'm glad there are leftovers from dinner last night to reheat and feed the kids with. I'm feeling more at peace right now than I have been.

Probably the biggest stress is:

• How the heck will we get any place to rent to us when we have totally lame credit scores including a foreclosure and bankruptcy and no 'steady' income as it all comes from contract gigs?
  

That's the kind of how I'm not to worry about though...just to focus on the outcome and the universe will make it happen. I'm looking forward to telling you about when that happens.